Y Monday, July 13, 2009
9:38 pm
Today was the whole NS checkup thing, which has been billed as a good waste of 4 hours of your life. I thought eh, we've definitely done many things that were more than a massive blackhole sucking more than 4 hours away.No, I wasn't wrong in thinking that, but that doesn't change the fact that the whole checkup was a massive time sink with little to no value to you. Of course I'm only saying that because, as expected, I'm no supporter of NS.
But yeah, since NS is compulsory, you're gonna have to do those medical checks. Hella annoying. One thing that impressed me was the logistics though. Even the pens they use are the same - right from reception to the individual stations.
Their logistics might be good, and their written instructions painfully clear, almost retard proof, however, the one failing is with the personnel itself. Most of the time you get stuff like
"Go there."
"It's there."
"Queue there."
Where the FUCK is 'there'? In case you were wondering, they do not gesture or point. It's just 'there' in that low, disinterested tone. Of course they aren't looking at you, they're marking something in their check list.
So where the fuck is 'there'?
Describing the whole thing with detail is a pain and is ultimately pointless, much like the whole goddamned thing. There are some funnies though - People who have no fucking idea how to pee into the cup.
I shit you not, it's apparently FUCKING hard to pee into the cup, because there were at least 8 people in the toilet standing around doing fuck all, holding their cups like there's the black plague in it.
FFS just pee, collect the gunk mid-stream and dip the damn stick in it. I just went straight on to business, and oddly enough, people followed. Hell yeah, pee leader ftw.
I've heard of a horror story where a fella peed into the cup and went back to the medical officer, brandishing his piss in all its yellowish, crystal-clear, glory.
No dumbass, you're supposed to pour that shit away.
Anyway about the pee test, I've got, wait for it, blood in my piss. Repeated the test but still had blood in it. So I have to head back two weeks later. Chances are I'll still have blood in my piss. I think I have kidney failure.
Although my mum did say as a kid, I had pneumonia, which messed up my kidneys a little, so there's blood in my piss periodically. Who knows, life might suck enough to make it both.
With regards to blood drawing, I lucked out. Got the experienced old fella to draw my blood, so it was relatively painless and quick. Again, horror stories of 4 attempts to draw life fluids are not unheard of. Expect an arm squirting blood like those little water pistols you got as a kid. Do not want.
The kicker was the IQ test at the end. That's the colossal time eater. It's this blackhole which just sucks all those seconds, minutes and hours away. Jesus. There was shit like 2 + 8 = ? and painfully obvious pattern questions.
Having said that, they are by nature time consuming. Not that there aren't tough questions, but it doesn't change anything: You'll feel drained and pissed off that you were there in the first place.
Oh final note: There's a questionnaire at the end. Do not under any circumstance show preference for sky diving, skiing and diving off a board. Just don't.
But why? Aren't they fun?
Sure they are. Commandos and marine divers happen to do that daily. Good luck if you aren't the only child. I fucked up, I just pray they look at my list of problems and not consider me for anything besides guard duties and mundane, brain-dead clerical posts.
Fuck my life.