If ya ask me, 21 was the better movie overall, but The Happening is more memorable. I don't really feel like reviewing or sharing thoughts about either movie at this moment, but yeah, maybe tomorrow.
School starts tomorrow, I don't really look forward to it, but I'm not dreading it either. Ah well.
Some people say no matter what happens, at least they won't take your memories away. Too naive. The truth, or knowledge, always has the power to alter the reality then, and make your memories not the blissful, nostalgic dreams you want to know, but the dark and twisted nightmares found in the deepest recesses of your mind, where you locked them up, hoping to never chance upon them.
Yeah. Most definitely.
Being raped again and again and again.
I know I will die alone.
But loved.
You live long enough to hear the sound of guns
Long enough to find yourself screaming every night
Long enough to see your friends betray you.
For years have I been strapped unto this altar
Now I only have three minutes and counting
I just wish the tide would catch me first
And give me a death
I always longed for"
The Poet and the Pendulum, Part II "The Pacific" - Nightwish
Guild stuff isn't going so well. I'm out of touch and don't even know the new members. Raids still don't start, I just want to give it all up, let someone take over, I don't know. It's a pity, really. I feel bad for those who've stuck it through and spent so much time and effort only to see it come to naught. Part of me just can't drop things like that and run.
One big factor, are my studies. Really. Fucking screwed. Two words. There. I'm probably one of the failures in chem, my math is a fucked up piece of shit. Shoulda just skipped the MYE and use promos as 100%. Fucking bullshit, H2 maths. So fuckin unfair, why does CJ only have 10 different combinations? Oh yeahhh right. Not an elite school, limited resources, jabber jabber.
Life blows harder than Brooke does. That's saying something.
GP standard in CJ isn't fantastic, I don't fucking understand how I'm scoring 42(Over 50.) and there are people getting 15. Teacher bias can't be so blatantly obvious anyway. So in a more realistic setting, my GP's fucking shot as well.
Let's not delve into Chemistry and History. I fail those. Chinese is a joke.
I don't have a fucking CCA, ain't happy in chess club, it's just killing time. I'm going to embrace all these crap again come next week.
Tomorrow's party is just going to be a brief respite, another outlet before I tether on the edges of sanity yet again. It gives me more reason to miss what I once had.
Fuck, I don't know. I'll try sleeping it off, though something tells me it's just running away again.
This, is our last dance. One that's only ever had a single soul gliding across the jet black ballroom floor.
Before the June holidays was History. I finished with 10 minutes to spare, and wrote at a moderately slow pace. History was bad.
Yesterday was econs. I could spit a good amount of crap out for every single question. Econs was good.
Today was Chem. You can't bullshit things you don't know about. Chem was bad.
Tomorrow is Maths. I'm not studying. Maths will be bad.
Thursday is Chinese. You can't judge what you don't care about.
Friday is Chem SPA. I have to see the teacher's face. Chem SPA will be bad.
I am so depressed I can.. oh what am I talking about. 20%. What the hell.
I don't know if I can say I understand.. but please, cheer up. I don't feel good that you're like this..
Because I was bored and Gresilda linked it to me.
EDIT: Broke record because I was bored. Second try today!
Now that you've taken a nap.. are you any wiser? Seems like I've been the biggest pretender, the biggest liar. How much self-contempt and pity can a person take before he breaks anyway?
No wonder people think guys who spend too much time on WoW are... weird.
If that's not sexist, I don't know what is.
Seriously, is he the one that has a problem, and needs to get something straight, or is it me? Really, people these days...
Econs is mostly covered and I'm pretty much ready for the paper once I give answering techniques a good look through the day before the exam.
Chem's a start. I got the basics down for the first 4 chapters, and only chemical energetics left. Forunately, Chemical Energetics was the first real chapter I paid full attention too, so there's some hope yet. Y'hear that Miz CJC Chem Teacher?
Oh, did I mention, no written contract. Even if my Chem paper goes FUBAR, we didn't sign no nothing. I don't remember ^_^. Next time pray on other students who don't know what they're doing and just nod their heads like roly-polies.
Gresilda's been a very, VERY mischievious (sorry it's 12.30 am I can't spell) fella and hasn't been studying much. To think she was the one that got angry when I wasn't studying. Psh.
Granted, she got some work done today, but out of us 3, she got the least done, definitely. ONE econs chapter girl! You have 4 days left. It isn't a lot, both your time left and the work you've done the past few days. Oh yeah, talking about today, t'was full of epic win.
Tuition, so I had another 2 math chapters done. Great. Next up was wasting time playing that naruto shit map, which was incidentally quite fun.
Poor girl waited for me for an hour(real sorry =\), then waited for MC for another hour, and Darren ditched us. So yeah, it was the airport next and after the bought her fish burger for 4.20 (Add 25 cents and get a drink + onion rings, wow shoulda seen her rage! No, not scary but c... nah won't say it. =x)
I'll summarize the next 3 or so hours.
Study, laughs, shouting, (It was all Gresilda.) laughs, more laughs and study not ideally proportional to time wasted. Rofl. But still, works was done anyways, more than I would have done if I stayed at home, so I'm not complaining. Building up the groove for tomorrow.
For dinner, that silly girl left the queue when she was third in line, went to buy a lousy plate of chicken rice before realizing the Japanese stall's queue was empty. Oh yeah and she drank teh bing for the first time. Deprived childhood =X.
Here's the part which made my day.
"Eh Gresilda, you know, you sound like a guy over the phone."
"HUH REALLY MEH? No lahhh where got.."
"You call my phone and listen for yourself lor."
"Huh? Okay.."
She did it. Dual wielded handphones and I signaled for MC to take a snapshot. Good man took two! Take that you blackmailing guardian angel you. (Accepting personal requests for the pictures ^_^.)
Yer then it was home I guess. Was fun having her around, too bad she and her self-imposed curfew made us leave early as well =S. Oh then I was forced to play bridge (Never liked that damned game. It sucks having to wait an hour everyday after school before you could have lunch. Fail.)
Okay maybe I just suck at it and have lower than average IQ needed to play the game. Whatever, I CBF to think. Imagining is so much more fun.
Chester's party tomorrow, can't wait.
The hell. I'm rambling.
Let's try to put something out...
Basically, I've just felt something.. for the lack of a better word, weird. A combination of guilt and anxiety. Why? Now here's the queerest part of it all. I was doing kara and getting very VERY pissed about it, over stupid wipes.
So yeah, I was on MSN with Gresilda and told her I was feeling ragey and stuff, over WoW, and basically couldn't calm down. (Despite her repeated efforts to calm me down.)
Then she just went "I don't know why you're not studying, our exams are close and I study more than you, and yet I'm still more worried. You know what, just ignore what I said. Maybe you're smarter and need to study less."
It hit home. I might have taken it out of context, or maybe she didn't mean it to have that effect, but whatever it was, it hit home. Yeah.
Really, what the fuck have I been doing all holidays.. god. To put it simply, I really have to get something done.
Sometimes, I fucking hate to visit the blogs of other 4F people, or talk to them. Just when I thought, "I miss them, but I can take it. I love them all the same, but I won't lose my head thinking about them." it all comes crumbling down. I could be high, or maybe I'm just sleepy and not thinking straight. But hell.
Like Jarrett says, I don't know what the hell is wrong with me.
You know, it's almost like a breakup with a girl that's perfect for you, and you've been at it for so long, too. Heart-wrenching and something you can never really forget. You think you've gotten the fuck over it, but it never really happens. You still miss her like crazy.
I asked a CJ classmate if he felt a sense of belonging.. he said he doesn't, not to CJ, not to any school. It's just so bloody sad.
It's not just the class, it's the teachers too. KC, Baby Z, Thiru, Kwok, Dao Wai Lit and not forgetting Mdm Tang. Perfect blend of... it's perfect. So it's everything right, wrong, and in general, just there. Everything.
I'm biased, I know. Your class is probably better than mine, and your teachers too. But I don't care, I just want to shout it out because I can, even though no one will care, even though it's stupid, but because I want to.
More than that, I love VS too much to give it up. It's been half a year, and I've only grown to miss the old days more and more. How do you understand and accept that which was lost? By finding a never-adequate replacement? By letting the sands of time ravage your memories and numb your feelings? I don't want that to happen, no.
Vive, Viva, Viva-La-Victoria.
Please, Victorians, keep her flag unfurled.
I want so much to go back to the home I belong to.. and maybe, maybe, with you there.
Didn't do justice to 4th of June post. Okay we had lots of fun. Really. Drinking games, bla bla. Had some fun with the Wii and stuff like that. Cycled out at night to grab more drinks. Was kinda fun actually. Didn't know there were so many eateries and a 7-11 outside my place. But FFS, no orange soda. WTF.
Mmm what was next. Ah yes.
Watched a terribad movie last Sunday. Chronicles of Narnia II: Prince Caspian. Yep. I don't like the damn flick.
On it's own it's fine I guess. Average. Passable. Tries to take too many leaves out of LotR, but falls flat. Really bad. Thing is it pulled a perfect leaf, but replaced it with a withered one.
Horse chase at the start. Okay. Fellowship of the Ring, when Arwen gets pursued by the Nazgul. Except we get to see a Brunette(Caspian) who speaks with a Hispanic acceent, and has an annoying character, instead of our very beautiful elven maiden. One moment he's all chivalrous, then he's a spoilt prince and the next he's a raving mad man. Emotional prolly. Annoying nevertheless.
Anyway. A scene where the big Poseidon-esque face smashes on the baddies. Only in LotR it was a group(?) of rampaging horses. Which one's more aesthetically pleasing? Right. The horses. And LotR was made when? Technological difference?
Oh and Susan(Which IMO looks terribad. God those lips and freckles. NFI how she got on screen, ever.) using arrows to jab onto oncoming enemies was so Legolas. Don't get me wrong, I hate the dude, Orlando, but the whole Narnia II kept smelling of LotR-wannabe crap. That I can't really tolerate.
Now for the REAL reason why I didn't enjoy the film at all. I toe the line of starting a flame war, or inciting religious conflict, but I'll try my best to avoid that.
Granted, I watched the film knowing full well CS Lewis was a very devout Christian, and wrote the series in a very pro-Christian light. (And The Golden Compass by Phillip Pullman was written in the opposite fashion, leading it to become banned in a few countries.) In fact, you don't have to read his books to realize this. I asked MC, Darren, Blim and even Bob.
What'd I ask? Simple. Draw parallels between Aslan and God. Using his name in vain, I know, but just bear with me.
1) Why could only Lucy see Aslan? Simple. She still had faith in him, unlike the rest. (Eg. Peter was going on about "Where's Aslan if he really wanted to help? We're on our own now.") She kept swearing she saw Aslan. In true religious fashion, Aslan visited Lucy in her dream. Sound familiar? Yep.
In fact, the dancing trees showing her the path could be likened to angels, much like the one that told Mary of her incoming child of God. That's a bit far fetched, but I'm just saying.
2) Ask and ye shall receive. See mouse knight. Tail gone. Ask. Poof. New tail.
3) This one I'm not so clear of the reference, but I"m pretty sure there's something like it. At the end, Aslan granted those who "were the first to volunteer" a "good" future in the new world. Very, very God-esque somehow. Kinda like, believe be and be the first to volunteer, and you'll have good things. Much like Jesus's followers right till the end.
That's all I can remember off hand. But yeah, that's enough to sour the whole experience for me.
Ooh. One very important event. We celebrated Chin Boon's birthday in true 4F fashion. Hit the LAN, play at it for a few hours then sit down for a meal. Very common way to do it, but I suppose it's who you do it with.
Here's the fucked up part.
We bought a cake for him and sang the song, cut the cake, at the benches outside of PP.
Then there's really crazy, cranky guy (Henceforth known as crankdat) came over, started making weird gestures like touching his forehead, chest (kind of like how Catholics do it) before making a praying gesture. Ookay. He didn't say anything. Just came over and did that.
Then he covered his face and repeated the strange actions again. In a different context, it might have been funny and idiotic. But that was plain freaky. He wanted to take a picture with Chin Boon, and even did some ultraman pose. Fuck. Freaky as hell.
Alright so we smushed cake onto his face (Chin Boon that is.) and crankdat took a picture with him.
Crankdat and Chin Boon, smushed with cake. (I don't upload pictures or videos often. When I do, it's good stuff. Clicky. Srsly.)
Then I brought Chin Boon to the toilet. Silly blighter didn't bring his specs, and everyone assumed he would. So no one took it. And Crankdat did. Rofl. Good fucking game.
We went around looking for the theif, but really, we realized too late and he was gone.
Again, in another context it'd have been funny. But this was freaky and funny, but mostly freaky. Crankdat FTW.
One more bit left to talk about, buuuut tomorrow will do. I'm too sleepy to recall or write. Oh and I haven't started studying. WTF.
You're there watching, right? We know it...
Everyone's asleep, except maybe Melvin. Poor guy's inbetween. Not enough vodka to throw up, but too much to shrug it off. Me? Well, I threw up twice. Too much too fast. Was like what, 8 shots? Rofl. It's hard stuff and actually tastes downright nasty. It burns real bad, and my sorethroat isn't getting any better.
It really felt good, I mean, that short period before throwing up, and the short timeframe after throwing up. I felt like I wanted to and could say things I didn't usually. My brothers were there to listen, I didn't quite have a care in the world. I admitted to things I never would have in my full consciousness, expressed thoughts I think when I'm at the pit bottom of my moods. Things that for the first time, someone else heard.
Oddly enough, Mel and Bagero saluted me for having control over myself regardless. I was in character all along, save the times where, well, I talked about myself. Where important things are concerned, yes, people who have an inkling of who I am should have known by now - I don't like talking anything about a person that starts with I and ends with N.
I have to admit, it took A LOT out of me to give poor Joy a few lines to check if she was okay. She was, to put it simply, wasted. I can't and won't go into details, it'd be intruding her privacy somewhat. We'll leave it at Bfoo, Bagero and Mel (The only fully sober ones left) had to rouse me from me pseudo slumber and had me limp over to the next room. Well she's fine now, sleeping like an angel, so I guess that's a relief.
Oh the evils of alcohol. Will people still drink? Answer's probably yes. Everyone thinks the can control themselves. Few actually do. I know my limit now. And no, it's not a good thing to test it or even tether close by. 8 shots being gulped in a span of like what, 10 minutes, just isn't a smart thing to do.
Take it from me, especially girls. When you need to stop, you stop. No questions asked.
1. Who are you chatting with now?:
Gresilda and Jollyn.
2. What is the one thing you would change if you had a chance to go back into the past?
Hit myself in the head for ever thinking computer games were fun.
3. What's going to happen tomorrow?:
Not quite sure. Tuition at 3, then sit my ass on the PC if nothing happens. Shoot out of the house like a bullet the moment something's up.
4. Do you hate your friends sometimes?:
Never happened. I don't have dirty secrets that friends can leak, so no reason to hate.
5. When do you wish to die?:
When I'm done with this world. Either there's nothing else to do, or there's nothing I can do. To and for people and myself.
6. Do you believe in seeing a rainbow after the rain?:
There is nothing after death. You just die. Like a dreamless eternal sleep you don't know you even entered, there is no consiousness, nor lack of knowledge of your 'unconsiousness'. So, what rainbow?
7. What impossible things you would wish to do?:
Can't say it here, not in this blog.
8. Do you believe in eternal love?:
Definition of eternal love? Fallacious question that I can't answer. At face value though, no, not really. Never seen it happen, don't believe it. Eternal is forever, and people don't live forever.
9. Have you broken someone's heart that he/she tried to commit suicide?:
I'm not that important to anyone yet.
10. Where is your favourite holiday destination?:
Japan, baby! Hokkaido at the end of the year. <3
11. Describe your other half.:
I don't have an other half. It's a lot of trouble to have one, as I've seen with my best buddies.
12. What feelings do you hate the most?:
Jealousy.
13. Do you cherish every single friendship of yours?:
Nope. I could do without a few.
14. What're you looking forward to in the coming weeks?:
Well Jesus, every 17 or 18 year old should have the same thing here. Mid years. Do well.
15. The most important thing in your life.:
Me, myself and I. Kidding. My family.
16. Who do you hope to be always there for you?:
Family, my brothers, and if I don't stay the way I am, my other half.
17. Do you find life meaningless?:
On hind sight, yes. We are born, we get an education, we make money, have children and die. Then our children does the same. People who lead 'meaningful' lives, ala voluntary workers are just helping the poorer people do the same thing, if you think about it.
18. Have you ever loved someone?:
Definition of love? Fallacious question. Not answering.
19. List one thing that you're scared of.:
For now, death. It's still too early.
20. What's your greatest wish?:
To become more successful than my father ever was, or could ever dream of.
21. What if one of your loves betrayed you?:
It's not easy to earn enough of my trust to become one of 'my loves'. You know it if you are one of them. You break it, I'm sorry. It's not going to be the same. Maybe, MAYBE, if you try, talking terms is fine.
There. This was done in my cynical bastard mood. So don't shoot me.
When a lot of things happen within a very short span of time.
Right, so after the meal at Crystal Jade, on the 27th, that is, Joy, Bob, Jollyn and Darren actually dropped by without warning on the actual day (28th) while I was sitting my fat arse on the PC (as usual.) wasting my life away.
Jesus, with a cake and all, in full force, lighted candles and the jazz. Second birthday cake now, and I made the same wish, lawl. Now that's a surprise. I mean how often are birthday surprises really as they are, a surprise. Not many I'm guessing. Half the time it's the same people, probably the same way that the surprise is carried out and it's always thought to be something new, because well, many things happen in the span of one year. Little acts like these are inevitably and usually forgotten.
Oh yeah and before I go on, big thanks to the guys at Epiphany. Yeah sorry for being such a hard ass these 2 weeks, I got really pissy about poor raid attendance and actually had to restructure the whole guild, threaten to burn your houses down before this weekend's raid was a success.
All worth it though. Of course, for those who sent me well wishes, thanks a bunch. It's odd, really. How virtual gifts or regards from a person you've never seen in your life can brighten up your day so much.
Melvin said a person once blogged about how WoW isn't a game. It's a community. You don't quit WoW because you can't bring yourself to quit the community. It's like a second life. (No, not that horribad game.) Most people who play WoW are introverts to varying degrees, so WoW gives them a "new start", especially when they happen to be very famous on their server. I'd have to agree 120%. It's a second life, with a different community where your guild members are like family.
I have to admit, it's a very special thing when you can have a good feeling towards people you've never met in person, who live half a world away, and lead very different lives. You feel at home.
Right as for today, after the raids (Thanks for showing up guys, really. You saved the guild from falling apart.) Daniel, Daryl, Melvin, Darren, Brian and Joy kinda celebrated my birthday by having a meal and then pretty much just hanging out and chatting. Good times, though I could tell Joy was getting increasingly bored as time got by, so I called it early and told her she needed to leave. Felt bad, really, that Brian and Joy came long. Was supposed to be a mini guild outing of sorts, so yeah, Joy was definitely left hanging.
Shit, pretty long post for one that happens within 3 days of the previous one. Cheers people.
EDIT: Wine and a lack of sleep do NOT really go well together, especially when you don't drink often. Headaches and illogical statements FTL. Don't eat me if anything doesn't make sense.