Y Friday, January 25, 2008
12:45 am
You know. Sometimes, in life, the shit just hits the fan.It splatters everywhere. On you, on your friends, all over your nice marble floor and expensive fancy carpet.
You yell "Fuck."
So what's next? Continue swearing? It's the option for some. But most of the time, you grab a rag, some soap and start cleaning up the mess. Maybe if you're lucky some others will help you out. But that's a bonus.
For me, well.
I dropped a bar of soap. I bent over. Life fucked me in the ass without any lube.
It hurts, it sucks.
Evidently, I'm not pleased over my results. It's obvious.
13 points.
The two subjects I studied my utmost for, and got As for in my prelims, decided to give up on me at this juncture and turned into B3s. I guess if they were the A1s I expected them to be, I'd be a 9 pointer and hit my dream of going into VJ, along with everyone else.
It's good to dream.
It's not good when you're almost there and a chopper lands on your fingers. You're still wriggling your appendages to try and grab it, but those lost inches will never be covered again. Shit hit the fan. Now clean it up.
For the most part, after receiving the results, the rest of the day was spent getting my mind off it. For the first time in VS, I was in the epicenter of the spelling cheer. I screamed my heart out. For the first time in VS, I sung the school song until my vocal chords hurt from all the shouting and off pitch screaming. For the first time in VS, I felt so good. Everything felt so right.
It may as well have been the last time I'll ever sing the Victorian Anthem, or cheer for Victoria.
Just when you think you've got over stuff, other factors never fail to remind you where you faltered, and that sinking feeling sets in again.
Roller coaster ride of emotions for the rest of the day I guess. Sure, playing games and hanging out was fun, but a temporary relief at best.
At the end of the day, you've gotta face reality. Sometimes I hate being born in this family. I was raised to be a mature thinker. Pragmatic. Often times, I know exactly how to think, what would be the most effective course of action. It's always the least pleasant and most cruel. Most times, it wouldn't be something you'd pick immediately.
But it's a choice I was raised to make I guess. Father basically cut to the chase, and questioned why I wanted SA and rejected the other schools around that mark range.
I can't deny it's because of a few good friends in that school. Academically, SA doesn't even cut it.
So straight in the face, I was told to put those things aside and instead decide what would be best for my future. Like I said, unpleasant, a little cruel, not something you'll warm up to off the bat. Pragmatic. Realistic. Cynical. Your choice of severity.
So suddenly I was more than a little angry, more than a little disappointed, more than a little confused. But mostly, I was really, really tired.
For staters, I never really appreciated my strength in humanities and english. It's probably the most useless things to be strong at, in Singapore at least. I hate that. Maths and Science would help my score look so much better.
I'm very bitter about my Chem and E maths. 94% distinction rate and I'm the 6% who didnt get it? Are you trying to tell me my Chem and E maths are on par with my Physics (which I have never passed) and A maths? (Which I was never good in.) Yes, I'm confused and crestfallen.
For once, I'd just like to justify thinking like a normal, rebellious teenager to my mum and dad. But no, it's not something that I could afford to or bring myself to say out loud. No. I want to go to SA because of friends. No it's not practical. Yes it's a silly short term gain, but I really want to.
I just can't justify it.
Next step is to do more thinking I guess. But I'm really really fatigued today. Something tells me sleeping it off isn't going to help, at least not for awhile.
I'd like to thank all the teachers in VS for making a difference, as well as all my friends and brothers who stuck by me. I have improved tremendously. I'm just sorry to disappoint.
Below are the distinction rates for VS, followed by national distinction rates. They're really respectable, an all time high in 10 years.
English - 68% (18%)
A maths - 72% (50ish?)
E maths - 94% (Unsure, lower.)
Chemistry - 74% (Unsure, lower.)
Biology - 73% (Unsure, lower.)
Physics - 79% (Unsure, lower.)
Combined Humanities - 70% (30ish?)
Chinese - Terribad.
Geography - 66% (Unsure.)
History - 100% (Unsure.)
Average L1R5: 10.5.
Not sure about other second languages. But these are really good. Nil Sine Labore. Sorry Victoria, I let you down.
I'm sorry I let you down, but I think the rest of the school would live your legacy, and keep her flag unfurled. Rest easy, brother.