Y Friday, August 24, 2007
11:13 pm
It's been some time. Nah, I won't let it die again. Just haven't had the time or will to put stuff in. Everyday's a bloody marathon, nothing really cheery happens, and I'm serious. The highlights of days are now decent test results. Tiredness, headaches and panadols are the norm. Sad isn't it?It's the prelims and I'm still the screw up I was. Hard to believe isn't it? It's been a long journey, but I ended up walking in circles. Displacement 0. Hah.
I'm not condemning myself to eternal damnation, but it's been as if I didn't even know the path ahead of me was a repeating one. You gotta be damned stupid to not realize it. So I had this weird, weird thought.
Why bother to keep trying? Because really, I can let go and it's not like I'll die. But then I'll end up like the people I so despise. It's painful. Once, suicide was brushed as a stupid, stupid option for the mentally retarded. Now, I can see the reasons for suicide, but they are not in ANY way justified. Stupidity at it's finest for sure, but I can now see how they get to that thought process.
Thank god for friends they say. Irony, as I've written an argumentative on friends today, for my English prelim. They keep your head straight and shirt clean.
I have a lot more to share, along with some photos, but I'll leave it for tomorrow when I'm 100% sober and straightened out.